And away they go....

the man whose voice you hear in Nora's video, is actually me + laryngitis. About 10 days ago, I took this video, she was just starting to crawl forward, needing a little incentive still. Now? forget it. she's everywhere. we've rebabyproofed as much as possible but she still finds things to get into. She's very happy chasing the kitties, now saying "diddy" as her first word even. eating finger foods...and when I say finger foods, I mean cheese (shredded, not cubed, don't even try it) and goldfish crackers. She sweetly eats the foods she's fond of and sneaks the rest of the food to the side of her tray, where it will stay until she's really done and then they start making it to the floor, piece by piece, because then all the cats will gather round and pick up the scraps. Nora is very happy and easily impresses herself--when she does something particularly noteworthy, she looks at me, raises her eyebrows, smiles and claps. stunned with her brilliance. She's not a huge fan of naps. She has 6 teeth--4 across the top and 2 on the bottom. She continues to be my early-riser, up around 6ish with me every morning, but I don't mind--we nap and nurse for about a half an hour before anyone else gets up and then she helps me get Ryan's formula made before we go wake him up.

Ryan has the cutest hop-crawl ever. It's part bunny, part seal. He's got the alternating hands down, but the legs only alternate sometimes--more often they move as one unit, hoping, to catch up with those fast arms. Learning to crawl has made a huge difference in his happiness quotient. Three days ago, he was happy in two places: crib and mommy's arms. Now, he's busy pulling CDs down from the shelf, getting into Caitlin's art supplies, pulling the blinds down, taking out the tupperware and pots and pans, chasing cats. Ryan went from being a difficult eater, needing OT, to just eating pretty much anything. He uses his hand like a rake and shovels in whatever food I put on his tray. And once he got the hang of self-feeding, he started projectile spitting his purees at us, so we totally gave up instantly. i was pretty much over spoon-feeding two babies simultaneously three times a day anyway. Ryan loves his naps and bedtime--he has a little lovely / transitional object blanket that he snuggles with. He LOVES, LOVES to laugh. If you laugh, he will laugh. If you put something on his head, he will laugh. If you play peek-a-boo, he will laugh. If you jump, he will laugh. And, he has the best laugh--strong, belly giggles--love it. I spend a lot of time each day doing dumb things to make him laugh. He has 8 teeth now. Doing better with dealing with new faces--still clingy though. Health-wise, he's doing great.

Triple threat...

Ryan and Nora were in various stages of learning to crawl....one of Ryan's stages was the backwards shuffle, he got stuck a few times, and frustrated. thankfully, he is persistent and kept on until he could do it the right way.

Meet Cousin Jacob

Nora and I took a 2ish day long trip to South Carolina to visit Rebecca, Don and finally meet Mr Jacob after four long months. We had a really nice time despite our trip nearly getting sabotaged by the weather--they got 5 inches of snow the night before my trip and, of course, in SC, that means all things come to a complete stop....including the power in Rebecca and Don's house. Fortunately, all was well, and the power was restored before we boarded the plane and we had lovely, warm days for our trip. We arrived Saturday, hung out, caught up, played. Sunday we spent the day at the aquarium in Charleston and then walked around Charleston, babies strapped in carriers. We all got a good workout--and I got to breathe fresh air and see the sun for the first time in a while, which was very nice. Nora was well behaved-except her usual naptime raging. She was a handful on the plane and I worked my butt off to keep her quiet during 4 separate flights, but she was great--only one total raging meltdown for the last 10-15 minutes on the first flight (God Bless that man who sat next to me and kept telling me it was OK!)

Cousins...

am I always this much taller than Rebecca? weird.

One year ago....

(this was written Saturday 2-20-10...I didn't post it until Monday b/c of some issues getting the pictures up)

Feb 20, 2009 was the worst experience of my life up until that point (little did I know there would be worse things to come). The past year has been life changing to say the least--not just because we are now a family of 5, including twins, but because of the way these twins entered the world--the uncertainty, the prognoses, the NICU, the TPN, the ventilators, the surgeries, the emergencies, the NEC. John and I talked a lot over the past month or so about how this day would be---would it be Happy First Birthday, Nora and Ryan or would it be the one year anniversary of the beginning of a time of hell on earth for us? I think it ended up being somewhere in the middle.

I'm really not that sentimental of a person, but this time, this anniversary has been bringing me down. I look at my babies--growing, thriving, miraculous, and I should be celebrating how amazing these guys are--and, believe me, I am thankful and humbled and amazed and filled with gratitude--but, the memories are tough. Many of the worst times are fresh in my head as if they happened yesterday--yet they happened a lifetime ago. I am left wondering if their birthday will ever just be their birthday--a day to celebrate their time here--to celebrate how far they've come and how much they've enriched our lives as individuals. But, so far, on this first birthday, the flashbacks are casting a shadow on things unfortunately. Sure, we said Happy Birthday to them and were thrilled to talk to family and friends who called to say Happy Birthday. And we agree about the amazing strides they've made--I'm not faking the phone call happiness. I'm happy. I'm happy for them, for us. I'm thankful to God to our friends and family. But it doesn't feel quite like a birthday should for me. I feel like they are getting ripped off to some extent b/c of all the memories--they don't know it but I do. And please don't let my weirdness prevent any Happy Birthday wishes to them--I'm not falling apart about it or anything, I promise. and THANK YOU for all the birthday wishes and celebratory emails, phone calls and hugs--We all appreciate it.

So, today I planned a really fun day for John--a surprise poker night with a few buddies. Planning kept me busy and it also felt like a little bit of a redemption for John's lost birthday last year when we were praying for Ryan to turn a corner for the better after a series of bad reports from the neonatologist--we had nothing to celebrate last year. and I also blew it on Father's Day 2009 for the record. So, John is currently playing poker with some of his buddies--I hear laughter, I see friendship, I see John smiling. It is a good day. Next year we'll have a party for Nora and Ryan--hopefully there will be much healing of our spirits in between now and then.

In the meantime...here are my one-year olds. i guess. they sure don't look like one-year olds, but they are doing great things. They are both getting all over the place--Nora rolling and scooting, getting up on her knees and revving up to crawl soon, even taking a "step" with her arms here and there--Ryan moves by rotating in a circle on his belly and thrashing his legs around which sometimes throws him forward, sometimes backward--on the kitchen floor, he looks like an accomplished breakdancer.

my sunday

John took Caitlin to Sesame Street Live (thank you Grandma Joanie and Grandpa Buddy!) for her birthday....I complained about not getting to go. a lot. But, I did get to spend the day with these precious gifts. Nora's just learned to clap and is pretty impressed with herself. Ryan's a seasoned clapper but has become a bit of a jumping bean in the exersaucer. enjoy!

Caitlin's birthday

Thanks to so many friends and family members for making Caitlin's 4th birthday so special!

Food.

Nora's doing all kinds of busy big baby activities these days. She just figured out how to feed herself little bits of cereal...

She will not take a bottle herself, but loves to steal Ryan's bottle...which he basically refuses to drink anyway....

Speaking of Ryan's bottle...we are dealing with some trouble with him accepting food and formula by mouth. We are seeing an occupational therapist weekly and she has him doing some gum brushing before we feed him solids with this crazy brush, but he likes it.
She also had me try giving him these crunchy foods, which he accepted happily once. once. and from then on, even though he can feed himself, he hasn't taken anything. She thinks he has a sensitive gag reflex and a little bit of consistensy / texture / sensory issues with food that make him not like it (the gum brushing is supposed to de-sensitize this). I'd really hoped that once he learned how to feed himself, he'd go for it, but that's not turning out to be so. It's pretty exhausting trying to transition off the gtube feeds when he won't take much by mouth. And the colds and runny noses he's been getting one right after another haven't helped much either. So, I'm looking forward to spring.